…

i dont think anyone will read this..
i dont think anyone will ever drop by..

so.. let me pour my heart here..
and grow colder everyday…

…

*sigh*

and to breathe heavily…
while enjoying this sadistic torture…

who am i now..?
and this sweat..
nervousness..

I got butterflies in my stomach…

poor him…
but i liked it…
it makes breathing harder..
insecurity…

and last…
the wish to be…

fucked.

What I know now

+Life, light and love hurts more than anything+
+Darkness is a place of comfort and safety+
+People lies, they will betray you+
+I am FAKE+
+Blood is either blue, black or red+
+Friendship  is a total fantasy, it doesn’t exist+
+Happiness is just a beautiful lie to believe+
+No one will help or save you from the madness+
+Death is a gift+
+I will burn the white angels wings+
+Lust is overrated+
+Hope and dreams is not going to be a reality+
+It’s better to be cold than try to be warm, but you’re hurting yourself inside so much+
+I am forgotten and forbidden+
+All of my prayers failed to reach their destination+
+Abusing people mentally. That’s what people always do+

-Malilith
-Ila

I missed them.. ;_;

I really missed Drof, Ali and Budo and Tidus and Saita and everyone in Red Motel…

but..

I can’t go there.. ;_;

Je veux vous aimer

Dans l’obscurité je vois vos yeux regardant fixement moi directement
Elle chuchote quelque chose autre que mon nom
Vos lèvres ne se déplacent jamais mais je pourrais entendre une voix dedans
Cela indique, la “vie pleine de la tristesse mais ne laissent pas disparaître…”

Et alors je vois l’aile d’un ange
Elle est presque cassée et elle saigne
Vous atteignez dehors du ciel intérieur
Ciel d’abandon, cris de désespoir

Vous m’attrapez avec vos mains de congélation
Quand la neige bleue apparaît et la blancheur m’effraye
Je souhaite que je pourrais mourir dans votre main

Et ce regard fixe froid glacial
Me tuer presque avec une lueur
Mais elle a fait m’a paralysé
J’étais sur mes genoux

Mes larmes tombent, mes coupures de coeur
Pour vous voir en douleur, il me dévore lentement
Vous êtes mon poison, mon ciel, ma chute, mon tout que j’ai consacré toute ma vie pour toi

Je veux juste sacrifier pour toi
Placer mon âme libre pour vous protéger

Et toujours chuchotement à toi
Que je vous aime toujours
Rien n’a pu ne te nuire pas plus
Puisque je suis toujours avec toi, mon cher ange

-Malilith Ila

OMGness!~ My French sucks.. XD

The lines of dreams

Walk the line
Don’t say that you’re dreaming
To take this life
Inside you’ve been bleeding
That night alone
They know you’ve been crying

– Shizukai

Malilith says,
Thanks, Shizukai!~

The Call For Us

Say my name
You know I can’t breathe in
Now it’s time to walk
The dead to the living

Hear my call
Will you ever rise up and give in
To me

Open the misery door
And crash the mausoleum
Kill everything you see
And write what your heart says
With their blood
Covered in red, slightly

I’m breaking the spell
You put on me
When you said you’ve been waiting
Down the dark grave
I count all these leaves, here

Someone will kill him
And now, tonight he will die
Covered in blood
And go to the light
Or maybe down into where he should be
If heaven won’t take him up

Time won’t speak or tell you
The way to believe me
And trust your life will be cut soon

Help me out to clean this
All the murder scenes

You can’t take me down
With all the guns

Now call my name
And down, down I will be
Confessing the my lies
And my sins to you

Let me in
I’ll keep you with this blade
I’m running out of time
To let you out
Breathing briefly

I can’t kill this
Now make me cry
Just to survive
This life

– Ila
2005

Envy

In the empty room
She sat there asking herself

Why must he get all the beauty in the world?
Why must she get all the love?
Why does people care too much of her?
Why does they cheer him when he falls?

The melody of despair and sorrow
Slowly rushing in her mind
Malice takes over her head
And she feels

Chorus:
So empty, so lonely
She can’t have everything she wants
And she know it
So sick and so lonely
The only thing that she wants
Is a heart to love

Why does it feels so sad inside?
Why can’t I dream like everyone else?
Why can’t I trust them?
And why can’t I cry when I feel…

Chorus

When everyone puts all the blame on her
She smiles and help them through
But she was somebody
That no one really cares

Sleeping alone, lonely
Her tears keeps on falling
It’s cold and she’s feeling

Chorus

Music and lyrics by : My Black Entity

A soul in darkness and an angel with broken wing

In the dark I see your eyes staring at me straight
It whispers something other than my name
Your lips never move but I could hear a voice in
That says, “Life’s full of sadness but don’t let go…”

And then I see an angel’s wing
It’s almost broken and it’s bleeding
You reach out from the inner sky
Abandon heaven, despair cries

You catch me with your freezing hands
When the blue snow appears and the whiteness scares me
I wish I could die in your hand

And that icy cold stare
Almost kill me with a glare
But it did paralyzed me
I was on my knees

My tears fall off, my heart breaks
To see you in pain, it’s slowly devouring me
You are my poison, my heaven, my fall, my everything
I’ve devoted all my life for you

I just want to sacrifice for you
Set my soul free to protect you

And always whisper to you
That I always love you
Nothing could harm you no more
Because I’m always with you, my dear angel

-Malilith

Life’s too short…

Because life sucks and its too short…
I just want to say this…

I’m so in love with Mana-sama!
I am super obsessed and I just wish I could be like him…
I just super love him to death…

To me, Mana-sama is my

happiness and sadness
laugh and cries
love but not hate
life and death
sugar and cream
medicine and the sweetest poison
sweet dreams and the best nightmare
eternal love and obsession
hope and dream
master and I’m his servant
god of beauty and sadness
everything that I ever wanted
reason to live and to do everything
savior from the immortal madness
sanity
secret lies and truth
welcome and no goodbye
tears and blood
death angel, the fallen angel
prayers

Everything in this world…
Without him, I bleed to death…
I’ll be the one in the dark…
Before he saved me with his words…
In his music…

I so love him!~
And for him I live… for him I’d die…

You guys might think I’m crazy but.. thats the truth.. ^^”

-Malilith Ila